Vomit.

i dont think ive had such an intense knot in my throat as i did today. I can honestly say that i went insane today. I couldnt hold back my anger and my hate towards....it....but i didnt know how to let it all out. It was too intense and i hated the feeling of having to vomit all of your anger and frustration but not know how to let it go. i think by far thats the worst feeling ive ever had throughout my entire life. It was the first time i wanted to tell my sister to not leave me in that forsaken hell hole. to take me with her. and leave everything behind. I told her how lucky she was to live on campus at such a far away college.

right now im at the studio and they're filming one of the shows for tuesday. i guess ill just come here on fridays because im not gonna spend fridays at the fuckin house. that would be suicidal. seriously. it would.

She makes me think about it a lot.

but im not weak. I just have too much time to think.