The Sound

Hearing her voice makes me want to destroy everything that see in my path. Hearing her cry makes it worse. i just want her to SHUT IT sometimes. Her incessant babbling of how crappy of a daughter I am builds up and one of these days im going to go schizo or something extreme because i cant take it anymore.

I know you wish i died instead of my dad. Ive heard it and felt your hate towards me many times. You call it love but all i feel is the coldness of your words when they strike my ears.

i think the only reason why i keep my sanity is for the sake of my sister. otherwise i think id be completely beyond repair. but maybe i aready am. because crazy people dont know they're crazy.

but im questioning it so i still have a little sanity left in me i guess.

Theres so many things id like to say to her and yet i dont want to even look at her. I hate how the past 5 years of my life have been the entire opposite of what it was supposed to be. Everything went wrong. i would ask why, but who would i ask? is there any point to knowing why in the end? would it even matter....

There are some days where I feel like telling her that im glad shes all alone now. Then it just makes me want to tear myself apart in frustration because i said something so cold and so low. i could never be that low. but i always feel it.

I just want to be whole again. to feel it and be it.

it sucks how life will just drag on like this....it doesnt look like things will get any better anytime soon.

i listen to music loud enough to drown out her voice and to hurt my ears enough to not be able to hear anything for a while. id rather not hear at all than to listen to her talking sometimes.